


I'm (not) Sorry

by tinycrown



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Blind Character, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 03:16:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9638579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinycrown/pseuds/tinycrown
Summary: It wasn't my fault,Right?





	

The pitiful feeling of being terrified, breaths short and heart hammering against his ribcage. His stomach would drop and bile would raise in the back of his throat which he swallowed down with a panicked feeling. It wasn’t just the fear of the people, or the walkers, or the demeanor of his surroundings. It was not knowing. 

He couldn’t see, it was black, one of those rare moments where he was that two-percent of the completely blind when he lost his eye. It just happened, and they couldn’t stop it. No proper doctors, surgeons, or vets could help them. It was disappointing but..

No, he couldn’t think about that now. All he needed was to sleep. 

It had been a year since Alexandria, Hilltop, the Saviors. They escaped, but at a cost. Tara, Gabriel, Rosita, Sasha, they sacrificed themselves. And no matter how much it hurt, he knew it would happen at some point. Judith was killed, and it broke him down. He had fallen to the ground, he screamed and sobbed as blood stained her crib. His father ran in, unknowing of the damage. 

They broke together. 

Carl didn’t know if this was God punishing him for all of his mistakes, he never really chose to pray or thank the lord for all they had survived through, it never crossed his mind. But after everything, why would it? Alexandria was gone, nothing but a ditch full of the dead. Hilltop was destroyed by the Saviors, only some made it out. Jesus and Enid. The rest were gone. 

Carl felt nothing but alone in the world, Enid was dragging him down a depressing train by blaming him for their deaths,  _ “Maggie would’ve made it out if you were faster! You were right there! Sasha, too!”  _ And she was right. 

The trailer was overrun by walkers, apparently, and Carl had no way of getting in unless he was a few seconds earlier. But… then he would’ve died, so it wouldn’t have made sense… and the door shut before he could, he could hear the metallic screech before she had yelled out the screen window. Sasha screamed for him to go, to leave her.  _ “Go! I’m done for!”  _ She said she would miss them, she’d always been a big sister, much like Maggie was. And it tore him to watch her go down with the ship. She was going to survive, much like they did. Maggie disappeared.  _ But she didn’t _ . 

Carl knew Rick was torn seeing his son with so much blame on his shoulders, Enid didn’t understand, she didn’t  _ know _ his problems, his  _ real  _ problem. She wasn’t there when Carl came barreling to his father, a mantra of ‘everything is black!’ and, ‘I can’t see, please help me!’. It freaked them out, Daryl looked panicked, and so did Michonne. She looked about ready to scream but kept Carl safe in her arms while he sobbed. And overreaction, he knew that, but it was terrifying. Unable to see, everything was black and it was awful. 

Rick wouldn’t stray too far away from his son, he either kept him close or at arm's reach, and Michonne could see it was bothering Carl. He’d even said at one point,  _ “Dad, I promise if I need help I’ll come to you. You don’t need to stalk me, I can hear you walking.”  _ And he’d back off. 

 

It wasn’t enough. 

 

The camp had kept their heads up for a moment as they heard Enid’s broken lectures. She was crying, Carl was trying to comfort her, but he didn’t know how. She was on the verge of something physical, tear rolling down her blotched face and wiping her nose constantly. A rotating speculum of ‘it’s your fault’ over and over spilling out of her mouth. Carl wasn’t saying anything, a defeated look on his face as he let her blame him, maybe he thought it really was his fault. But they all knew it wasn’t. 

Carl had blamed himself for unnecessary things in the past, the time he was almost raped he blamed himself for not getting out of the car faster, or keeping the door locked, or staying hidden because he could’ve prevented everything that happened that night. 

Rick decided to step in.

 

“That situation was too far gone for her to be saved, Enid.” He says, placing a comforting hand on the nape of his son’s neck when he crosses his arm, rubbing at his face. “It wasn’t my fault, right?” Carl turns to his father’s voice and Rick shakes his head, wincing as Carl still waits for an answer. “No. It was nobody’s fault, not yours, not  _ yours  _ either, y’hear?” he turns to the crying girl, she nods and wipes her tears away with her sleeve. Carl lets himself stare at whatever he’s pointed in, and he loses himself. 

“Carl?” 

“Yes?”

“You alright?” 

“Yes.”

 

_ It wasn’t my fault… _

_ Right? _


End file.
